Flying Without a Net

I am officially a full-time mom now.

This morning, I went to Biola for my exit interview with HR. As I sat in the waiting area, I had a fleeting catch-your-breath kind of moment and thought, "Am I sure about this?" I am sure, and have no regrets about coming home to raise our daughter. But it hit me today that from here out, we're flying without a net. The security of that second income is gone.

I loved the imagery of this picture... going from two trapezes to just one. I'm so grateful that Jacob is able and willing to support us both.

As I ran my errands on campus today, walking around for the last time as an employee, the sadness that accompanies this transition caught me off-guard. Each place brings back such vivid memories. I know most of you won't have a frame of reference for these memories, but it helps me to write them down and remember these snapshots of the last five years.

Daily walks at lunch time with Alexis, Amy, Laura, and/or Chelsea to get a Diet Coke at Talon (or Eagle's, way back when)
The "junior high" bathroom at McNally
Sitting by Fluor Fountain eating ice cream from the caf with our barefeet propped up in the sunshine
Countless lunches at Midori, Panera, Taco Bell...
Soft pretzels and nacho cheese from Eagles
Salsa music from Dan's office on days when we needed a smile
The heartbreaking news of the shutdown of SPS
Starbucks walks and Stater Bros runs
Crazy office-moving day and shopping carts
Baked potato bar at Talon
Calzones from Gondola in the back office before graduation
Disneyland "team-building" days and Boyd's bucks
A crowded hotel room at the Palm Springs CMA conference
Saying farewell to those who left before me: Ruth, Rhonda, Jenn, Dan M, Caren, Chelsea, Alexis, Laura
My student workers: Alysha, Anna, Monique, Carissa, Kevin, Laura, Lisa

These past five years have been good, with some definite "hard" thrown in for good measure. Today, it feels a little surreal to officially close this chapter. I fully embrace my new unpaid, full-time+ "job," but also reflect with some heartache on the many memories that cannot be relived.

And now... off with the sentimental hat, and on with the organizing hat. Time to pack for Lucy's first interstate trip. In the morning, we're off to Oklahoma to introduce Lucy to her great-grandparents (and many other friends and family out there). I'm sure traveling with a three-month old will produce some good blog-fodder. :)