Appendix: Lessons from a Sick Child

Lucy got a cold this week.

That doesn't sound so bad, does it? Just a little cold? And she's so little, how bad could it be?

You, my friend, have obviously never had a toddler with a cold. Let me enlighten you on somethings you'll need to know in the future:

• Toddlers cannot blow their noses, which means that often (especially when sleeping), all that extra fluid drains right back into their throat, and then they wake up with this horrid, "I'm-dying-because-I-can't-breathe" kind of hacking cough. Your doctor will look at you with a straight face and tell you this is perfectly normal and there's nothing they can do for it.
• Toddlers cannot sleep when they are sick. This means mom does not sleep, because they must be held upright every 45 minutes to help drain the congestion out of their head. Your child will look at you pitifully wondering why you cannot fix this. Your doctor will look at you with a straight face and tell you this is perfectly normal and there's nothing they can do for it.
• You doctor WILL suggest a couple of totally unhelpful things. "Use the bulb syringe to suck out their nose," they will suggest. Let me just tell you up front, this is an exercise in futility. Toddlers have such an avid dislike for the "nose sucker" that attempting to use it will produce so much crying that you will have actually taken a step backwards in this effort to de-congest them.
• Your doctor will also suggest saline spray. See above notes, except it's more like two steps backward because you're actually adding fluid to the situation. Not helpful.
• Your doctor will also suggest raising their head when they sleep. Uh... right. Like a toddler stays in one place (and facing the same direction) all night. Good luck with that.
• Toddlers produce a copious amount of snot, drool and tears. And they think that YOU are their giant kleenex. And so is the couch. And their hand. And your bed. My friend, break out the burp cloths from their storage boxes, because there's going to be a LOT of face wiping going on. 
• To prevent your toddler from using the entire house as their personal kleenex, it is helpful to occupy their waking hours with sitting in the stroller during a walk, or riding in the Ergo carrier (with a burp rag between your shirt and their nose). Just don't try to slice potatoes while wearing your baby in front. Your potatoes will end up on the ground, and you will spend the entire time keeping the knife out of reach. This is a good time to suddenly recall that the Ergo can be worn on one's back as well. 
• Toddlers will have zero interest in food while they are sick. This may be one of the first signs of sickness, before all the sneezing and snotting and coughing. If you, the parent, found yourself disciplining said child for refusing to eat, and then your child gets miserably sick, and then YOU get miserably sick a few days later and discover that food, indeed, sounds pretty unappealing... you will feel horribly, horribly guilty. And will feed your child ice cream and chocolate to make up for it.
• Your toddler may only be interested in consuming apple juice (and very little else) for three days straight. Be forewarned... much juice gets that digestive track working overtime. Just sayin'.