Yesterday was one of the hardest days so far of this pregnancy, and I'm not even sure why. Starting Saturday night, I felt very put out about life in general, and had a hard time getting my attitude anywhere close to friendly. Throughout the day yesterday, I also felt like my brain was operating in a fog... I just couldn't process anything quickly. Every question I was asked or task I had to do felt like a mountain to get over (hence this post's title). From this morning's perspective, that sounds a tad on the over dramatic side. ;)
I wish I could identify what caused yesterday to be so hard. I did sleep very poorly on Saturday night due to heartburn, so I'm sure that contributed. And I had another wave of sadness at church during worship time about the recent loss of my grandfather (a more complete blog post about this will come later, after his memorial service next Monday). But neither of these circumstances, either tired or sad, are necessarily new or unique to yesterday. -sigh- So WHY was yesterday so terribly difficult?
Jacob was very sweet, of course, and took good care of me. He let me take a nap in the afternoon while he worked on hanging curtains in nursery, and didn't complain one whit when dinner plans changed from a hearty corned beef and cabbage into simple quesadillas, because that's all I felt up to making.
I really struggled yesterday with wondering if what I was feeling was valid, or if I should just buck up and get over it. As I'm sure many of you are well-aware, I air on the side of overly-analytical when it comes to my feelings, so it bothers me when I can't identify the source of an emotion to evaluate if falls into the "legitimate to be feeling this way" category, or the "self-indulgent, get-over-yourself" category.
The thought did cross my mind, though, that yesterday may have been a preview of what some of my very near future looks like, operating on very little sleep with a newborn, and exhausted from learning to nurse and getting up multiple times a night. Hmmm...
They say the 2 biggest stresses in life are loss and fear of the unknown. A lot going on for you right now... you've been so busy it's prob. all been internalized. Maybe you're beginning to feel what you were too busy to feel last week? Glad to hear Jacob is taking good care of you, hun.
ReplyDelete/me sends lots of hugs and happy thoughts with loads of rainbows and cookies added in :)
ReplyDeleteI thought you looked like you needed a hug yesterday! Emotional analysis need not go beyond the fact that you are 36 weeks pregnant. Praying for you.
ReplyDeletePregnancy does a strange thing to you. Moments like this are completely normal. Once baby is here, you will have days / moments like this, but you will also have "how am I so blessed?!" moments as well. Welcome to motherhood!
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