Impending...

I'm going to admit it right up front. I'm blatently avoiding my pre-Patrick to do list by writing a blog post about it. My rationale? (Other than the fact that the list is full of things I don't want to do?) Maybe writing about it will make me feel less stressed because it will help me process my emotions... -weak smile-  Right?


I kind of had a little mini-breakdown last night with Jacob... of course, this was just as we've crawled into bed and he's doing his very best to prop his eyelids open and be there for me. I really time these things well.

The biggest thing on my list to do is pack for the hospital. Yes, I'm 2 weeks away from D-day, am 2 cm dilated and more than halfway effaced, and I haven't even started packing. I made progress this week in creating my packing list... that counts for something, right?

However, since creating said list, it's starting to eat away at me. Not only is it there reminding me that I am in no way ready to head out the door to the hospital should the need arise, it also reminds me how very many things are unknown about this impending labor... when will it happen? what will Lucy's care look like? what if my sister for some reason isn't there to help as my Doula? how will Lucy respond to a little brother?

And the biggest one of all? How on EARTH will I manage a toddler and a newborn?

The rational, logical side of me says: "Self, stop this worrying. It's silly. If you had to, you could go to the hospital any time and they would have any essentials you needed. You have lots of family and friends who form a very supportive community to help out. Moms raise more than one kid ALL the time, and seem to survive." Etc, etc.

But the hormonal, fatigued, freaked-out planner side of me is kind of running around like a chicken with it's head cut off... at least on the inside. (Aren't you glad I didn't make this image the picture on the blog post?)

So really, I should go tackle this to do list, and just knuckle down and start packing. That might help more than writing a blog post. Maybe. But I really HATE packing. Ugh.