My child snorts, and other surprises from the first two days

So, we had a baby yesterday, but you probably already knew that.

But, did you also know that babies snort? I didn't. Lucy makes the cutest (yes, I'm biased) little snorting noises! So far, I can't tell if it means "I've just lost hold of my food supply. Would you kindly bring it back?" or "If you don't put me up on a burp cloth in the next 7 nanoseconds, I'm going to have to baptize you." So many things to discover about new little daughter!

There are lots of other things I didn't know that I learned this weekend, too. For instance...

• You must relax during contractions. Relaxing makes the contraction hurt more. On occasion, when your birth support team tells you to relax during a contraction, you will feel the urge to slug them.
• There's a lot of pain and discomfort AFTER labor. I knew labor would be hard, but no one ever talks about the fact that little things like, say, walking, become extremely difficult after pushing a baby out. 
• The sorest muscles post labor (not the sorest area, grant you) are my arms, not my ab muscles! I must have the weeniest arms ever. 
• Midwives can be male. And they are still called midwives.
• It's not worth it to bring activities to the hospital if you're the one having the baby. Really, who picks up a book and reads it in the 3 minute intervals between contractions? On the other hand, an activity bag for those in the waiting room is probably a good investment. :)
• The tape used to hold the IV in place leaves residue that requires goo-gone to take it off. Removal of said tape is painful. 
• The "bag of waters" can have multiple layers, and it is is possible to just break one layer, resulting in stalled contractions at 7 centimeters. Bah.
• Day shift staff is nicer than the night shift. But I'd be cranky, too, if I had to work all night. ;)
• The adrenaline from having a baby can carry a mother through three days on only 2 hours of sleep, without said mother feeling tired. This is not true of the father. ;)
• Swaddling and diapering a baby with flailing limbs is slightly more challenging than the doll they make you practice on in class.
• A nurse will, on average, spend more time staring at the computer clicking through endless drop-down boxes when in your room than actually paying any attention to you. This is true even if you a) are "vocalizing through contractions" in such a way that you can be heard in the next ward, or b) have the world's cutest baby. 

What a crazy, amazing, awesome, exhausting, exciting, life-changing weekend this was!